The Beards — Secret Track

- Hi, this is Nathaniel and Johann from the Beards
- Yes, thank you for listening to The Beard Album
- Which is now finished, this is now officially the bonus track
- It is, ahh it was pretty good though, that album. Ahem, we are quite good at writing songs about beards, but what you probably don't know is that occasionally we'll write song that is not quite beardy enough and doesn't make the final cut
- So here's a sample of some of the songs, that didn't make it onto The Beard Album
- Enjoy!

I got married to my beard
My mother was in tears
The wedding cake had hair in it
And the wedding band was shit
They played Nutbush City Limits
I fucking hate that song
They played Blame it on the Boogie
They kept getting the chords all wrong
And my beard and I we slow danced
As the band played some James Blunt
Let me tell you what I think of that guy
He's a...

I got my beard caught in the toaster again
CAUGHT IN THE TOASTER AGAIN
I got my beard caught in the screen door again
CAUGHT IN THE SCREEN DOOR AGAIN

Mmm, yeah, beards, check it out
I came out of the womb with a boom
Tellin' everyone in the room I'm gonna grow a beard soon
And I did. Now I got a real good beard
It's right here on my face not a hair out of place
Do you want a taste? Mmm it tastes good
My beard is really good. Good! Good! Good!
Having a beard is quite good

Baby I love you, I love you
But I love my beard so much more
Oh baby I love you, I love you
But if I had to choose between you and my beard, baby,
you'd be out the door
You know you're pretty good for a woman,
but there's something else in my life
Because baby you're just not a beard
and that cuts me like a knife
You know I love you baby
But I love my beard a whole lot more
Some folks say I have a beard...

CAUGHT IN THE WHIPPER SNIPPER AGAIN

A beardless man told me to get fucked
Just the other day
I turned to walk towards him
He ran the other way
And he ran into some traffic
And he got hit by a hatchback
So I fled the scene and I assume that he's okay